I am the type of person who enjoys making lists. I have always been an organized person. I always had my movies in alphabetical order, books in alphabetical order, etc. Everything had its place and purpose. I create lists about basically everything. I have a sense of satisfaction when I can cross things off my lists. I feel accomplished. Jason, on the other hand, is not an organized person, which is completely okay. He can handle things being out-of-order and not perfect. I guess, in a way, we kind of balance each other out.
One of my sisters loves to tease me because of all my lists. She says I need to loosen up and just enjoy life. She is similar to Jason in the manner of they are both more laid back individuals. They kind of go with the flow and let life happen. I tend to get worked up if I don’t reach my goals or complete all the items on my list. I don’t like to feel like I failed by not completing tasks. Jason and my sister would be perfectly content with having items not checked off their lists. They would simply get to those tasks another day, and if not, then oh well. Last year my sister and I started a goal to read books. She had a goal of reading one book a month, and I decided to read 100 books in a year. First thing I did? Created a list of books I wanted to read. Then as I completed books, I created a list of books completed. Then a list of books I wanted to read. The lists kept growing, and they continue to grow. My sister joked and said I was taking the fun out of reading by having my lists. I liked the challenge of having the lists and crossing things off my list. Then as the year 2016 was ending, it was an amazing feeling knowing I could cross off my 100th book and even exceed my goal by reaching 106 books in one year.
During this adoption journey, you can bet your bottom dollar that I have lists.
As I’m sure you can imagine, I like my life organized and planned out. I like to be in control of things. So you can even further imagine what it was like when my life wasn’t going according to plan. I created lists of things I wanted accomplished before we started a family. I checked items off one by one. When the time came where we were “ready” to start a family, it was very frustrating that nature wasn’t letting things happen. Now I can sit back and laugh (a little). While I was creating these lists and planning my life, God was probably laughing away. God has our life planned out for us. No matter how hard we try, we can’t change what his plans are for us. We just have to trust and have faith.
I have always wanted a big family, and have actually thought about the idea of adopting many times, well before I even met Jason. After Jason and I met, I told him many times that I want a house full of kids. I tell this story all the time, but I will share it again in case you never heard it before. We went through our marriage counseling, and the Pastor asked us how many kids we both wanted. Right away my response was “At least six!” Jason quietly replied, “I don’t know. Maybe two.” I countered his response with, “The lowest I can go with is four”. This story cracks me up. No matter how hard I try to plan things out, things just didn’t work the way I wanted. But, this does not mean the doors have been shut for us. We can hopefully still have the family we wanted. Whether it’s one child, two children or the full six that I always wanted. I’m so excited to meet our future children and bond with them in a way I can’t even imagine. Yes, I have a list of personality traits or hobbies that I do look for when reading all the children’s profiles, but it does not mean I would say no to a child that doesn’t “match” with my list. I am beyond curious to see what child(ren) God places in our lives.
So, are you more like Jason and my sister, or more like me? Anyone else obsessed with lists?